Welcome to The Flourishing Teacher’s Field Guide.

This week we’re exploring the difference between reacting and responding - and if they sound like the same thing (or if you tend to regret the way you react sometimes) - then you’ll get lots of value from this issue.

Let’s jump in…

I Never Feel Like I’m In Control

We've all been there.

Experienced those moments where our fear, our anger or our building levels of anxiety have pushed us to react in ways that we later come to regret.

As teachers, we internalise such a lot of how we feel because we work to exceptionally high standards of professionalism. But almost inevitably we can react in ways that don’t do us justice, especially when we’re under pressure or facing a challenge.

I know that when I fall into the trap of feeling guilty, unprepared, lacking or disconnected, I’m likely to start reacting in ways that make things worse. I’ll reply to an email in a passive-aggressive way, or people please, or try to avoid responsibility for something.

The problem is that this is exactly when we need to be able to pause, reflect and respond. If we don’t, our reactions often breed resentment, shut down communication and erode the complex relationships we work so hard to build with our colleagues.

Our immediate reactions often emerge from primitive brain regions like the amygdala, triggering a fight-or-flight response without perspective. It’s how we’re hardwired, and if you’re the kind of person who habitually reacts this way, you’re far from alone.

It was certainly an approach that I seemed to develop as a response to the stresses of teaching. I soon started behaving that way in my own life too, and I felt like my whole personality had changed for the worse.

But while these kinds of impulsive and emotional reactions served us well earlier in our evolution, there is another path that we can explore as teachers and people: conscious responding.

Responding allows us to tap into the reasoning capacities of the prefrontal cortex, regulate intense emotions, empathise with others, analyse situations holistically and make carefully considered choices.

It gives us the space to speak and act with greater intention, nuance and wisdom.

Let’s look at how…

3 Strategies For Becoming A Responsive Teacher

The Toll of Reacting

If we’re in a constant state of reaction in the classroom and in our lives as a whole, it takes a serious toll on our wellbeing.

Picture these all-to-common teaching scenarios:

• Snapping at a student during a lesson, making you both feel awkward and shutting down their participation

• Harshly criticising an assignment in a way that demotivates the student's efforts

• Venting frustrations about a schedule change loudly in front of the class, modelling poor emotional regulation

• Responding to a colleague or parent based on your own agendas and feelings, without really listening to what’s being said

Reacting by instinct (another way of saying that you have created a story for yourself as a shortcut to help you manage challenges or situations that make you uncomfortable) reinforces an unhealthy dynamic of power struggles, disconnection and burnout for teachers overwhelmed by emotional exhaustion.

The Power of Responding

In contrast, responding creates the space for more positive outcomes. It allows you to:

• Pause before addressing the situation, maintaining composure

• Approach it with greater care, wisdom and emotional intelligence

• Model crucial skills like self-regulation and conflict resolution

• Strengthen rapport and understanding with students and parents

• Prioritize your self-care and sustainable wellbeing

For example, when you’re working with a disruptive student, you might take the time to understand what underlies their behaviour before collaborating on a plan.

Facing a parent's critique, you respond by soliciting their perspective and seeing it as an opportunity to clear up misunderstandings.

When plans get derailed, you demonstrate resilience by rallying the class to find a productive path forward.

When you disagree with a colleague, take the opportunity to see events from their perspective and try to build a solution together.

It might sound obvious, but in the heat of the moment, is that what you actually do?

Strategies for Becoming Response-Able

If this all makes sense but it just doesn’t sound achievable, don’t worry. You can make powerful progress by integrating these strategies:

Mindfulness & Breath Awareness

The anchoring practice for responding is consciously watching your breath. Even just 5-10 minutes per day of breath focus meditation builds your ability to pause, become self-aware, and avoid impulsive reactions. You can find some great advice on breathwork here.

You can also use breath awareness in heated moments, consciously taking 3-5 deep breaths to short-circuit the emotional hijack and re-engage the prefrontal cortex. Combining breath awareness with bodily cues like muscle tension cultivates greater self-regulation.

Cognitive Restructuring

Our automatic thought patterns powerfully shape our reactive tendencies. Cognitive restructuring helps us notice and reframe unhelpful narratives like catastrophising or harsh self-criticism.

Start by keeping a journal of scenarios where you tend to react. Explore the immediate thoughts fueling those reactions, then question their validity. Replace irrational thoughts with more balanced perspectives grounded in facts, not impulses. There’s a lovely article on the power of journaling here.

For example, instead of thinking, "This class never listens to me; I'm failing as a teacher," reframe it as "They had a hard time focusing today; I'll try a different approach tomorrow."

It’s this kind of reframing that fosters resilience.

Self-Compassion & Nurturing Resilience

Tiredness, feeling overwhelmed and harsh self-criticism all severely impair your ability to respond with wisdom. That's why integrating self-care habits like regular exercise, sufficient sleep, and scheduled downtime is critical.

You can consciously cultivate self-compassion by treating yourself with kindness rather than judgment. Replace negative self-talk with reassuring reframes like "I'm doing my best" or "We all have lapses sometimes." Extend that compassionate stance to colleagues as well, seeking to understand and communicate rather than letting misunderstanding grow. Check out this article on self-compassion at mindful.org that I found really valuable.

Bonus Strategy: The HALT Technique

This simple tool is based on the understanding that our ability to respond rationally is compromised when we're Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired. (I am mostly hungry, then tired. Rarely angry and never lonely. Just thought I’d share!)

Train yourself to recognise these signals. Feeling frustrated? Ask yourself if you're HALT. Taking a break to address one of these needs can significantly improve your ability to respond thoughtfully.

Most importantly, by prioritising your ability to respond with wisdom rather than react with instinct, you nurture your own resilience and add to the sustainability of your wellbeing.

That’s great when it comes to thriving in this demanding yet rewarding profession.

But it’s when we start practising responsiveness in every area of our lives that tangible, positive change really begins.

What Are You Waiting For?

We believe that teachers achieve extraordinary things under challenging circumstances and that we all deserve to be valued, supported and celebrated.

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Our Response Is To Give You More Of What You Want

We hope you’ve enjoyed this issue, and we really hope you’ve got some value from it. We’re all about supporting educators around the world, so if there’s something particular you’d like us to focus on, do let us know - seeing you all thrive and flourish is the best response we could wish for.

As ever, thank you for being wonderful, for supporting your colleagues and for doing all the things you do to make your school a special place.

You’re awesome.

Don’t forget today’s takeaways…

In next week’s issue, we’ll be reflecting on some of the lessons we’ve both learned this academic year (it’s been a big one for us both), and sharing our subsequent strategies for personal and professional growth.

Until then, remember, you’re more than your marking, your lesson observations and your planning.

You’re you. And that’s all you need to be.